she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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