tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize