Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
