On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
