Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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