you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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