At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
