I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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