I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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