It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Randomize
