matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
