And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
