i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Dear god my vagina.
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