I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
how drunk are you?
Several
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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