This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
