Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Please, let me fuck your mom
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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