I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
