you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
