I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
