I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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