I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
