Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
