thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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