so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
