Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
