After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
