god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
How does one acquire holy water?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
