do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
