i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
