This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
