I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
