I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
