Don't you send me to vm
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
