So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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