its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I need moral support for this bender
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
