my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
