actually, I'm a sock model
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
