why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
