this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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