If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He better not be in your backpack
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
