the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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