I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
