i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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