Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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