I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Randomize
