1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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