There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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