I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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