things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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