then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
