His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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