omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
