its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
True strength comes from lack of pants
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
